D is for... Depression

I have suffered with depression since I was a teenager. At the age of 16 years old I spoke to my mom about contraception, I think she knew that my boyfriend and I were sexually active and we both agreed that speaking to my doctor about going on the pill was a mature thing for me to do as well as a safe option. Sadly I ended up not seeing my usual doctor and ended up with a woman who instead of giving me the pill told me I was a manic depressed young lady and gave me anti-depressants. I accepted this and asked when I would get the pill. She told me to give these 3 months and then come back. I don't often speak about this because it's a touchy subject, so please don't go crazy on me for what you are about to read.

I was in a relationship with a very controlling man who I allowed to use me. I ended up pregnant a month after being on the anti-depressants and during my first year in college. It was the hardest choice I have ever made in my life but I know I did the right thing. The man had attacked me, tried to stab me and mentally abused me as well. Even now as I write this the memories are strong and it just gets me all upset thinking about what that man did to me and how foolish I was to let him control my life for so long.

It took me years to get on the right medication. The first set made me very sleepy and several times on the bus to college I ended up at the wrong college (my bus stopped at my college first and then the second college just down the road) and had to run back down the road and apologise to my tutor for being stupidly late all because I was so out it took the driver to shake me to get me to wake the heck up. Others made my throat dry and some made me aggressive. My mom said exactly how I bet many of us must feel when trying to find the right medication for you and that was how "it makes you feel like a guinea pig" being tested as they send you all assortments of drugs your way, see how you react and if it's bad then they try something else. Sadly you don't get paid to do this and it's something I just had to deal with, apparently my body didn't like most of the anti-depressants that are out there.

When I left home I decided I didn't require them any more and my doctor suggested I go from one a day to one every other day and then slowly wean myself off them. This worked well, I know dropping them completely can really affect you in a bad way so this idea sounded great.

After having my first child I have felt depressed again lately and have so far done things to try and keep me going without the drugs. But there are many days where it's too much to handle and I cannot cope. I know anti-depressants can help you, but I don't know if I want to go back to testing different drugs all over again.

The best thing I have found is simply talking to someone. Go to your local baby groups, meet other parents in your area, invite a friend or two over for a bit of shopping. It can really help to just get your problems out by talking and also great to get outside and give yourself a bit of freedom. Don't feel bad leaving your little one with a family member for a few hours. Sometimes you need some Me-Time and that's normal.