A is for... Abortion

I've spent probably 5 maybe even 6 months writing this blog post, re-writing it over and over again as I find it very hard to talk about even though it was something that happened in my life 8 years ago. But some lovely Mummy Bloggers gave me the courage I needed to finally post this.

I was a mere 16 years of age when I found myself with a lad only a year older than myself. I had left a kind and very sweet lad for this man to be with this tall, older young gentleman. To me he was a sweet person, but from the outside looking in to that moment in my life like a person staring into a snow globe I find my present self angry at myself for believing something that was clearly untrue. For you see... he was cruel and manipulative.

Looking back at it all now I let him get away with so many things and I wish I could come up with a reason why I did, but there is no reason to it all. I let him do what he wanted with me and that was what got me in a position of having to go through an abortion at just 17 years old, only just begun my studies at college and here I was, making the hardest decision I have ever made in my 25 years on this earth. It still upsets me so writing this isn't easy. Infact I'm teary just remembering it all right now.

For a long time I felt I was a murderer and did the wrong thing, but then he reminded me of what could have happened. He lashed out at his mother who simply asked if he could help move the new dining table for her. When he came back to his room in a mood he asked what I thought and I said his mother only wanted some help with moving something too heavy for her to do alone. He looked at me like I had insulted him, his eyes glared at me and I could feel my heart drop a beat before he grabbed me and held me down on his bed. Within seconds my heart went from a slow beat to a speed so fast it felt any second now it would have jumped out of my chest. I went to scream but he gagged me, I could not get my eyes away from his and I honestly feared what he was going to do to me. I did what I could I kneed him very hard in the groin. Like any man he reacted and let me go. I don't know why I did but I rushed under his computer desk and curled up. He begged for me to come out from under there and kept saying he didn't mean to hurt me. I told him I didn't want to be with him. All this reminded me that I made the right choice, why bring up a child whose father thinks it's okay to be violent to women? Why would I want a life to have to suffer in the hands of such a disgusting person?

That wasn't the last of him, he tried to stab me with scissors as our parents chatted in the garden and even though this happened 8 years ago he still tries to find ways to get in contact with me.

I do sometimes wonder "what if..." but the man who made my teenage years a living hell comes back to my mind and I feel somewhat at ease that I did what was right for everyone, not just myself.

E is for... Environment

Many of us are concerned about what we do and how it affects our environment and this comes up more often in my mind now that I have a child of my own. But what can I do to help out?

I have to admit that for the first few months we used disposable nappies. It seemed easy and hassle-free from the idea of trying to dry out cloth nappies in a tiny two bed flat with no tumble dryer and the idea of poo cleaning was not something I was keen on, I was happy to wipe and bin. This changed when I got the chance to review for Smartipants and Fill-Your-Pants.com.

You see the whole idea of poo in a cloth nappy being hard to clean and the troubles of cloth nappies is a thing of the past. Cloth nappies have changed since you and I were little and are very easy to use. When you have a newborn baby the soiling they will do won't be solid and thus you can just chuck the whole nappy (poo and all!) into the washing machine with the other nappies and wash them, no need to get your hands into the muck as it will come out easily in the machine. I was amazed by this when my son decided the first time we used the nappy to not only have a huge poo but for it to be a nasty wet one that got all over the place. I remember thinking the nappy would never be the same and throwing on a high wash. I was amazed it came out as if he had never soiled inside the nappy ever. Soft, fresh and didn't seem to have a single stain on it at all.

You see there are perks to cloth nappies that some of you may not realise.

Easy to Wash - Seriously, I thought these would be a pain. Now that we are onto more solid poo they don't stick so I just open the toilet and it'll... well.. roll off. I know that sounds disgusting but I'm trying to tell you how easy they really are and how you don't need to get your hands into the mess your sweetheart has left in your beloved cloth nappy. And you can put these in with your usual washing so you aren't adding an extra load and thus not wasting money.

Cheaper - Okay so a box of disposables may cost you £6.99 and sure there might be a great deal on at your local supermarket, but you are buying those boxes over and over again and that cost adds up. With cloth nappies you pay once and they will last well into potty training age and you can even save them for when you decide to have another, or perhaps a friend whose expecting.

Eco-Friendly - Disposables will end up in landfills, but your cloth nappies will be used again and again. There's no competition here, they are better for the environment compared to disposables and use no chemicals.

VAT Free - Disposable nappies are considered a luxury, whilst cloth nappies are not and thus you do not pay VAT on them. Isn't that great?! 

Kind to Skin - Would you enjoy wearing plastic underwear for hours? Cloth nappies are more breathable and gentle to the skin compared to disposables. You may also find your child doesn't suffer from nappy rash as much when using cloth nappies.

These are my top five reasons why cloth rocks. I could go on about the fact disposable nappies cost parents as much as £1,300 per child over the course of a few years and 80,000 lbs of plastic are used every year to make disposables.

 I'm certainly happy to have embraced cloth nappies. We still have disposables as a just-in-case, but replacing even just half of your daily disposable nappies a day will help save our environment.

Check out Go Real and remember it's Real Nappy Week on 16th til 22nd May 2011.

If you would like to Guest Post for Petit Mom's Alphabet on a certain subject please contact me via email.

D is for... Depression

I have suffered with depression since I was a teenager. At the age of 16 years old I spoke to my mom about contraception, I think she knew that my boyfriend and I were sexually active and we both agreed that speaking to my doctor about going on the pill was a mature thing for me to do as well as a safe option. Sadly I ended up not seeing my usual doctor and ended up with a woman who instead of giving me the pill told me I was a manic depressed young lady and gave me anti-depressants. I accepted this and asked when I would get the pill. She told me to give these 3 months and then come back. I don't often speak about this because it's a touchy subject, so please don't go crazy on me for what you are about to read.

I was in a relationship with a very controlling man who I allowed to use me. I ended up pregnant a month after being on the anti-depressants and during my first year in college. It was the hardest choice I have ever made in my life but I know I did the right thing. The man had attacked me, tried to stab me and mentally abused me as well. Even now as I write this the memories are strong and it just gets me all upset thinking about what that man did to me and how foolish I was to let him control my life for so long.

It took me years to get on the right medication. The first set made me very sleepy and several times on the bus to college I ended up at the wrong college (my bus stopped at my college first and then the second college just down the road) and had to run back down the road and apologise to my tutor for being stupidly late all because I was so out it took the driver to shake me to get me to wake the heck up. Others made my throat dry and some made me aggressive. My mom said exactly how I bet many of us must feel when trying to find the right medication for you and that was how "it makes you feel like a guinea pig" being tested as they send you all assortments of drugs your way, see how you react and if it's bad then they try something else. Sadly you don't get paid to do this and it's something I just had to deal with, apparently my body didn't like most of the anti-depressants that are out there.

When I left home I decided I didn't require them any more and my doctor suggested I go from one a day to one every other day and then slowly wean myself off them. This worked well, I know dropping them completely can really affect you in a bad way so this idea sounded great.

After having my first child I have felt depressed again lately and have so far done things to try and keep me going without the drugs. But there are many days where it's too much to handle and I cannot cope. I know anti-depressants can help you, but I don't know if I want to go back to testing different drugs all over again.

The best thing I have found is simply talking to someone. Go to your local baby groups, meet other parents in your area, invite a friend or two over for a bit of shopping. It can really help to just get your problems out by talking and also great to get outside and give yourself a bit of freedom. Don't feel bad leaving your little one with a family member for a few hours. Sometimes you need some Me-Time and that's normal.

C is for Contraception

From the age of seventeen I was on the pill and was fine on it, until I was in my twenties when I just started to lose interest in sex. I spoke to my doctor about this and we both agreed as I had been on the pill for several years now and it is known to do this to some women that I should come off it and use other types of contraception.

In that time period I had my little boy and the moment I was given the thumbs up to leave and more thumbs up that my stitches were healing I was then asked "have you considered what contraception you will be using?" and forwarded to my local Family Planning Centre. I put this off for a while as I was breastfeeding and had a million and one things on my mind. I also went through a bit of a teary moment whilst breastfeeding, which I'll talk about some other time, so I just focused on sorting this out first. When I did go I got told all my options and decided to go for the implant.

The implant is fairly simple. It's a small match stick size tube which is inserted under the skin of your upper arm and will last for three years. The implant stops the release of an egg from the ovary by slowly releasing progestogen into your body. It thickens the cervical mucus and thins the womb lining. This makes it harder for sperm to move through your cervix, and less likely for your womb to accept a fertilised egg. It's 99% effective, however doesn't always suit everyone. I was one of those women that it did not suit.

For some women they will get no bleeding at all, which is fine. However some can get constant bleeding and I suffered with this badly. Also I went from being my normal self to not being interested in sex one bit. The doctor gave me the pill to help sort out the bleeding, but it only works sometimes and pumping me with more hormones has only made me feel worse. It was a bad choice, I should have said "get it out of me, we'll just use condoms!" as I knew hormonal contraception affected me badly. And when I say badly I don't mean just not wanting any sex, but I was edgy, snappy and every so often I'll just find myself all weepy. I know a friend of mine who is on the implant too and she's had no problems with it at all! It just depends what you body is like, really.

So what are your options?

The Implant - Don't have to worry about it for three years and one of the best contraceptions out at the moment. But if you don't suit hormonal contraception then may not work for you, plus may get a few side affects. Doesn't stop you getting STDs.
The Pill - Take one every day and have one week off for your period. Good if you are not forgetful, but not so good if hormonal drugs affect you badly. Doesn't stop you getting STDs.
Male Condom - For the man to use. Keeps you safe from STDs. Have been around for a long time, 98% effective but have a small chance of splitting.
Female Condom - Keeps you safe from STDs, but only 95% effective (lower then male condom and the implant)
IUD - A long-lasting and reversible method of contraception, but doesn't stop you from getting STDs.

There are many others to consider. Check out the NHS Choices website on Contraceptions. Remember to speak to your GP and get as much information, they are always happy to help and remember it's all free on the NHS.